How to Talk About College With Your Family in 3 Easy Steps

When high school grads head off to college, most of them don’t do it alone. In fact, while parents may not actually move into the dorm room next door and enroll in classes they are -- for better or for worse -- emotionally and financially along for the trip. Mutual understanding is a critical part of maintaining family happiness during the transition to college.

1. Why You Need to Talk

Junior Achievement’s 2015 “Teens and Personal Finance Survey,” highlighted some eye-opening realities about parental and teen attitudes’ toward money and money management. Topping the list, when it comes to college? While nearly half of teens believe their parents will pay their college tuition bills, only 16 percent of parents share in that plan.

Meanwhile, a full 34 percent of parents don’t talk about money with their kids out of the desire to let “kids be kids.” Unfortunately, this disconnect can lead to future confusion and even heartbreak for prospective parents and college students alike.

It’s not just a matter of talking about college, but about when you begin the discussion. It’s never too early to make sure kids know that a college education is important, but experts suggest that middle school may be the ideal time to begin informal conversations about everything from academic strengths to career options. Sure, it may seem like a long ways off, but talking about college nurtures interests while keeping it in your sights.

Discussing college with your kids, however, involves more than setting academic expectations. It also involves preparing them financially. According to Junior Achievement, 84 percent of teens look to their parents for guidance in learning money management. Sadly, those who do not learn basic financial tools can undergo a frustrating “trial by fire,” when they get to college and are suddenly on their own.

From teaching kids how to balance a checkbook to opening up a college savings account to which they’re expected to contribute, the earlier you start, the more ready your college-bound student will be for the challenges of campus life.

2. Know Your Plans...And Share Them

No one can make good decisions without access to the right information. Parents don’t “own” the college application process, but neither do kids. The truth is that there are many potential areas of misunderstanding -- from parents who aren't financially prepared to assume the full cost of a child’s tuition but are embarrassed to say so to kids who assume that their parents will only support the decision to study a specific major or at a particular institution.

One tip for aspiring college students? Do your research. If you’ve always wanted to go to college in an urban area but your parents are worried about safety, presenting them with comprehensive information on campus safety initiatives may not only ease their minds, but also demonstrates respect-worthy initiative.

After all, the majority of challenges which emerge from mismatched expectations can be overcome, but not without open lines of communication. The most successful outcomes occur when both parties are on the same page.

Doing so requires something that can be hard to do -- even among close families: speak honestly about difficult topics. Taking a direct approach while maintaining awareness that you are part of a team working toward a common goal can help you broach more difficult subjects, such as finances. No one’s saying these conversations will be easy, but the more immediately they’re addressed, the less likely they are to turn into an even harder conversations later.

What are some questions to keep in mind when talking? Students and parents should understand the full financial picture: from who plans to pay for what (and how) to the college loan process. The financial aspect is just one small piece of the puzzle, however. From grade and study expectations to how and when you’ll communicate when separated by hundreds of miles, talking about these things can not only prevent issues, but also promote peace of mind.

3.Take Time to Connect

As the college years draw closer and big decisions loom, they can sometimes take over. Make sure to set aside stress-free time for engaging in family activities together. It can also be helpful to designate specific times for college discussions. Engaging both parties in determine how and when these sessions will occur can help keep things positive.

Designating family time can also help you keep priorities in place: Yes, college is important, but it’s far from the only important thing in life. No prospective college student’s value is limited by whether or not they get into a top tier college or choose the “right” major. Ultimately, college is just one part of the journey, and keeping this in mind can prevent the pressure from piling on.

Think of it this way: If parents don’t understand kids’ goals, how can they help them achieve them? And if kids aren’t aware of financial realities, how can they make the most informed, empowered decisions? By identifying areas of common ground, keeping communications open, and committing to a “we’re all in this together” mindset, you can not only get a step closer to your mutual goals...but maybe even grow closer as a family.